Mental Health: #InTheMind My Story

Mental health is an issue which is very much overlooked in comparison to any physical illness. However, recent events such as the hashtag #InTheMind which has been trending on Twitter and other campaigns to spread awareness and encourage understanding of mental illness, it is something which has been brought to the forefront. The simple fact is your mental health is just as important, or even more I would argue, as your physical health. It is important to look after yourself both physically and mentally.

Mental health problems are not something new and affect a great number of people. Statistics indicate that 10% of children aged 5-16 years old have clinically diagnosable mental health problems and 70% of children do not receive help early enough (Source).

The recent hashtag has compelled me to write this post as I believe that in order to encourage those who suffer from symptoms to seek help are to read the experiences of those who have a mental illness. Here is my story:




Five years ago I was diagnosed with manic depression and anxiety. I was in the first year of my A Levels and I was really struggling. I would come home from school and cry. I would be at home on the weekends and cry. I would cry every day and I didn't know why. I had no confidence in myself at all. I believed I would not achieve anything. I believed everything was pointless, that school was pointless and what was the point in anything. I would flip from crying to screaming angrily at my family in a matter of seconds. I had violent mood swings. I didn't want to go to the corner shop in case someone would see me. I didn't want to socialise because I thought no-one would like me. I was usually a very academic person who took great pride in achieving high grades but I no longer felt like bothering. I didn't feel like doing anything. Although I had never been Little Miss Sunshine, I had never felt so low. My doctor later referred to this period as an 'episode'.

It was at this point that my mum urged me to seek medical help so I made an appointment at the doctors. I was dreading the appointment - I am not someone who finds it easy to talk about something as personal as my feelings and thoughts. I went to the doctor and told her how I had been feeling. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do but one of the most rewarding. I felt reassured that I would get better and this was only temporary. I was put on Fluoxetine and put on a waiting list for counselling. As I left the doctors, for the first time in months or years I had felt something positive: hope. Being on the medication alleviated the persistent low mood, lack of concentration and motivation. This meant that I was able to somewhat salvage my AS Levels but not to the standard that I wanted. I was determined to make up for what my illness made me unable to do. In the following year, I was on the mend and although I was not 100% I was not feeling as hopeless as I once was.

I had to wait 18 months for counselling on the NHS due to the long waiting list. I do understand that some resources of the NHS are under great strain but I find this totally unacceptable. I once tore all the ligaments on my knee and had to go to physiotherapy and I only had to wait 6 weeks. This clearly shows how physical health is being prioritized over mental health. Once I finally got an appointment with a counselor, I arrived at the initial appointment which was used in order to assess my current mental state. Due to my anxiety, I was barely able to make eye contact with my counselor and found myself constantly glancing all over the room. When being asked such personal questions and saying things that I had never said to another person it was easier to look at the ceiling or look out the window. I constantly fidgeted with my hands and could not talk about anything personal without bursting into tears, which made my speech inaudible.

Over time I became more trusting with my counselor and found it easier to talk with her. I had 16 sessions of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) over 16 weeks and I felt like I was a different person at the final session. I was able to control my thoughts and when I was not able to control them, I was at least able to recognize my paranoia and anxiety. It was during this time that I forced myself to become more social. I made some amazing friends and found myself doing something most nights of the week instead of sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. These friends are those I cherish dearly and am still very close with till this day. I had come a long way in just 2 years. I had sorted out my mental health just in time for university.

I was transferred to a new doctors near my university who lowered my dosage of my medication. They said as I was a new patient they couldn't prescribe me the dosage I had been on for the past year, which made no sense. I decided that I was feeling the most well I had been in years and stopped taking my medication. I did not want to put myself in a position where I became dependable on my medication and if I was able to cope without them I would stop taking it. The first year of university presented various challenges which had been slightly more difficult as I was not taking my medication. However, I overcame those challenges and I still remained on track. Of course, there were some days where I did not want to see or speak to anyone and just stay in my room. I allowed myself those days and did not let myself feel guilty.

I had been generally okay and coping well only until recently. The past two months I have felt my condition worsening. In the past three weeks alone, there hasn't been one day when I haven't cried. I have either been suffering from insomnia and staying up all night or I have been in bed sleeping all day. I have found myself staying in more and more and making excuses from seeing my friends. I have been back home from university for a week now and I have found myself hitting rock bottom once again. I have confided in my mum who has truly been my rock during the lowest points of my life. She encouraged me once again to seek medical help. I had my doctor's appointment yesterday and have been put back on my medication and have been put on the waiting list for counselling.

I have been beating myself up as I feel I am starting from square one once again. After speaking to my family and friends, I have realized that I have a mental illness and things will not always be plain sailing and sometimes things will seem bleak but this is only temporary. Things will always get better, especially if you have a close circle of people who care about you who are there to support you and reassure you. As long as you have that, recovery is a certainty.

We need to remove this stigma which is associated with mental health problems and encourage those who are suffering to seek the help that they need. We need to drastically improve the mental health division of the NHS if we are to improve this issue. It took 18 months for me to get a counselling appointment and luckily I was stable enough to survive those 18 months. But how many people require urgent counselling and cannot receive it?

I have not found this easy to write and I don't know if anyone has found this useful but even if one person has read this and found it useful that is good enough for me. Due to my illness, I am particularly passionate about the public perception of mental health. I understand that it is hard to begin to understand mental health issues if you do not suffer from any yourself but I encourage you to always be supportive as to the person with the mental health issues, this means more than you will ever know.

If you wish to know more about mental health, please look here.

Thank you for reading.